


my tears on the parchment (or: what i can not say)

by prefertheconsultingdetective



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Charles Being Concerned, Charles in a Wheelchair, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3571088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prefertheconsultingdetective/pseuds/prefertheconsultingdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles tries to write Raven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my tears on the parchment (or: what i can not say)

**Author's Note:**

> This is very, very short and also un-beta-ed. I apologize for any mistakes, I'm from Germany, please point them out so I can correct them.  
> This just came to me and I didn't know what to make of it, but I had to get it out of my head. Feedback is highly appreciated.

_My dearest Raven –_  
Charles sighed and ripped the paper off his writing block. There was so much in his head he wanted to say to her, but he already failed in the beginning, not knowing how to address her.

 _Raven,_  
_My oldest friend,_  
_Little sister,_

He had even tried to write to _Mystique_ , but it had seemed too strange, he wasn't even sure he knew Mystique.  
He had known a girl named Raven since he was ten years old, but that seemed like a completely different life now. The girl he had known had big, yellow eyes, a sharp tongue but a soft heart and he had loved her like a sister. (Sometimes he didn't even know if the girl he once met in his kitchen still existed.)

 _I miss you immensely_ he had written and had felt to straight forward.  
What if she didn't miss him? What if she had realised that she was better off without him after all?

He had took her home whenever her facade seemed to slip away, revealing who she really was.  
He had told her every young man could be happy to meet a girl like her, but he hadn't been able to look into her eyes when she had said that no one could love her if they just knew her real appearance.  
He had told a girl with too differently coloured eyes some bullshit about _mutant and proud_ because he was a naughty little bastard who didn't play fair. He never had.

What if she was better off without him?

 

Charles clasped his hands over his face, not able to look at the blanc paper anymore. He couldn't handle his own helplessness anymore.

 

His tears made the paper curl.

*

Charles tried again the following week.

He's had a good day. (As good as days could be now at least.)

Hank had wheeled him outside and they've had a picnic with Sean and Alex and he had contently watched how the two teenage boys had eaten tons of junk food and chocolate bars.  
Later they ran over the hills in the garden and Charles had closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun shining in his face. It still was a bit chilly because of the little breeze, but he actually preferred it that way.

When Charles was a teenager it couldn't get warm enough for him, he loved the summer, the dry hotness and the feeling of not being able to be naked _enough_. Sometimes even shorts and a light t-shirt seemed too much and while Raven had hated it and had seeked the shadows and anything that cooled her hot skin, he couldn't have gotten enough of it.

Now it was – too painful.  
That day on the beach had changed everything.

 

He frowned and ignored the aching pound of his heart in his chest.  
It was better not to think too hard about everything that had changed.

 

In the evening he sat in front of his desk, once again with the blanc paper and the metal pen that felt cold in his fingers. (He didn't think about whose pen it was and how it never has been cold before, vivid energy thrumming through all the metal whenever he was in the room.)

 _Dear Raven,_ he wrote slowly.  
_I hope you are well. I think about you a lot and (of course) I also worry a lot_ He hesitated for a moment, then he added _,but that's what big brothers do._  
Writing these words made his heart ache in his chest, but that was who they where. Brother and sister. And they'd always be that for him.  
_I miss you. There's nobody I can reed boring scientific research to now. Hank would be too interested and I would have to actually talk about what I read. Can you imagine? Maybe he would even try to discuss it. I can't even stand the thought. I bet you're smiling now. Just think of it. Maybe he would even have a point._

Charles smiled sadly.

_I wish I could talk to you in person. There is so much I'd like you to know._

_Please Raven, take care, don't loose your head in whatever you are doing, I know what you wish for and I know that you want to fight for it and that is good, but you should never forget that there is not only hate in the world._

He wanted to add _keep an eye on Erik, make sure he doesn't forget either_ , but he didn't dared. Raven had always been able to read between the line too well. (And also – Erik was something he had put far away in his head. There was a little metal box in the corner of his mind, constant and always there, but he didn't dare to look inside and see what he had lost. Not now and maybe never ever again.)

_Maybe you can write me back. I want to make sure you're well. Every once in a while at least._

There was so much more to say, but he couldn't.

 _Yours,_  
_Charles_

 

This time he pushed the paper away before his tears could ruin his words and clasped the pen angrily in his fingers. He thought of sandy beaches and the hot sun and his sob echoed helplessly in the empty room.

 

\- [wenndieweltsichdreht ](wenndieweltsichdreht.tumblr.com)on tumblr and [prefertheconsultingdetective](prefertheconsultingdetective.tumblr.com) is my slashy fandom account ;)


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